It is so easy to get used to acting and thinking a certain way. We forget that there are different ways to see things, and alternative ways to behave. But as the saying goes, “If we keep doing what we have always done, we will always get what we have always got.”
My longest patch of singlehood was four years and it felt like an eternity, especially when close friends were busy getting engaged, having babies or just enjoying good relationships that made them happy and fulfilled. I felt like the longer I was single the less chance I had of meeting someone and looking back I believe that was true BECAUSE I was thinking that. If we believe something, life has a funny way of making sure that reality matches our outlook.
It was only when I consciously tried to give a guy I met much more of a chance than I would have ordinarily, and made an effort to change that voice in my head saying that I’d never meet anyone, that things started to change for me.
Ok it took me four years, but I finally came to the realisation that I had been dismissing men because they were one or two ticks short of an incredibly long wishlist, and continually reinforcing my belief that I would be single forever by telling myself that on a daily basis.
It’s very difficult to get out of an ingrained way of thinking and behaving and that’s why it really helps to have another person who can objectively look at your situation, and most importantly your beliefs and ways of thinking. A professional coach is best-placed to do this as they have no vested interest and can be totally impartial. It was seeing a life coach a couple of years ago that made me start thinking about my values and what I wanted in life, and the sort of person that will make me happy.