Tag Archives: single trap

Rethinking Mr Perfect

It’s easy to end up with a very long list of values and attributes we look for in ‘Mr Right’ – if I’m honest I wouldn’t date half of my exes if I met them now. Which probably explains why I’m currently single.

So a new book which argues that if you are a single woman over 30 who wants to have kids you should stop waiting for the perfect man and marry the first half-decent one who likes you has really made me think.

The book is based on the author’s own experience and research conducted among 30-year-olds. Underlying the entire premise is her conviction that they all long for conventional family life.

There are so reasons why I can decide that a date isn’t suitable: their occupation; their height; their aversion to cats; their shoes…. By the time I finally met someone who ticks most of the boxes, it is highly likely that I’ll be well past child-bearing age. Though having seen friends reduced to exhausted shells of their former selves as a result of motherhood I’m not wholly convinced that I want children anytime soon (see my post on freezing eggs!).

I suspect sales of ‘Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough’ by Lori Gottlieb, published here next week, are going to be very healthy as it hits upon a dilemma that many 30-something women face – do we bite the bullet and settle for someone ‘ok’ or hold out for ‘Mr Wonderful’ who makes us weak at the knees, when a) we may never meet such a man or b) we meet him when we’re 50, suffering hot flushes and starting to invest in support underwear.

Bella DePaulo, author of ‘The Living Single’ blog on the internet, has called Gottlieb’s ‘husband-fixation’ ‘tragic’ and considers comments the author made to be ‘nakedly and proudly regressive’. Ok, some  women truly are happy being single and child-less – I can find many recently-published paperbacks by thirty-something women on the joys of singlehood in the bookshop. But in my opinion most women do dream of finding someone to share the rest of their life with, and I think our quest for perfection and increasingly high standards in so many aspects of life poses a real threat to some of us ever settling down. Now, onto Amazon for my copy…

Fancy a farmer?

The first episode of the TV series ‘Farmer Wants a Wife’ – http://www.five.tv/ – last night was quite entertaining. Apparently the producers were inundated with responses from single female city-dwellers after they advertised for potential wives for several strapping farmers to take part in the reality tv series. 

Most of these were women who, having spent several years focusing on their career and enjoying cocktail-filled nights out with female friends, have realised that they are unlikely to meet someone unless they take action to get out of the ‘single trap’.

Farmers seem to be flavour of the month at the moment. I guess it’s all part of the general movement towards sustainability and learning to live off the land again, and – dare I say it again on this blog – getting ‘back to basics’.

This month sees Europe’s biggest annual singles event: the Ireland Matchmaking Festival. Willie Daly, a wonderfully eccentric 65-year old who claims to be Ireland’s last remaining matchmaker and is on hand to bring people together during the festival, believes that farmers are the hottest commodity at this year’s gathering.

“The farmers are back in vogue this year. The women place great value on the farming community and the likes of the building contractors would not be as popular as other years,” Daly told the Irish Times newspaper. “A builder could build you 100 houses, but at the moment, who would want them? But you can’t make an acre, there is great security in the land. At times like this, it stands out.”

According to the Matchmaking Festival’s website, “Willie has drawn on his extensive files, notebooks and ledgers, on his remarkable memory, and applied his highly attuned antennae to offer hope to the thousands who ply him with their details.”

The 150-year old event, which takes place in the southwest Ireland spa town of Lisdoonvarna, has this year drawn around 40,000 singletons, disillusioned with online dating and awkward, contrived ways of meeting people such as speed dating, in seach of love. Many travel all the way from the U.S. and Canada, as well as Europe.

With a ratio of nine men to every woman at the festival, luck may well be a lady in Lisdoonvarna this month. I guess it’s not that far from London…